I want to share something real with you, something that explains why I vanished for a bit and why my social media went quiet for a whole year. It’s a story of grappling with self-doubt, facing my own insecurities, and finding my way back to self-acceptance.
In my twenties, I had it all – the physique, the energy, the confidence. I was THE fitness guy, the one people looked up to for inspiration. But life doesn’t always follow the script we write. When my girlfriend became pregnant in 2021, my world turned upside down. I was overjoyed but also terrified. In the midst of this emotional whirlwind, I sought comfort in food, stopped working out, and…
My weight soared to a staggering 230 pounds.
Suddenly, I didn’t recognize myself anymore.
Then came my daughter in February 2022. Looking into her innocent eyes, I felt a deep sense of responsibility. I could tell she already believed in me and trusted me implicitly. Yet, I was struggling to believe in myself. The pressure to maintain this facade of perfection became overwhelming, and I vanished from social media. Why? Because I was battling my own demons of self-worth.
I feared judgment, the gaze of my followers seeing not a strong trainer, but a man wrestling with his own insecurities. I felt like an imposter, like I was living a lie. I couldn’t bear the thought of being seen as anything less than the athletic coach everyone expected me to be. So, I stepped back, retreated into my own world.
During that year of silence, I wrestled with guilt. I felt like I had let down my followers, my clients, and everyone who looked up to me. I wasn’t there to motivate, to inspire, or to guide. For that, I am genuinely sorry. I wasn’t there for you when you needed me, and that weighs heavily on my heart.
But within that silence, I discovered something unexpected – strength.
I realized that being vulnerable was not a weakness; it was a well of power. I learned that it’s okay to struggle, to stumble, and to fall. It’s okay to be imperfect because it’s within those imperfections that true strength is forged. I faced my self-doubt, stared down my fear of judgment, and emerged not as a perfect coach, but as a real, flawed, and authentic human being.
Now, I’m back.
Back on social media, not as a perfect, flawless trainer, but as someone who has fought battles, faced demons, and emerged stronger. I’m here to share my journey, my struggles, and my triumphs. I want you to know that it’s okay to take a break, to fall off the path, and to find your way back, even stronger than before.
This blog will not just be about my journey; it’s about OUR journey.
It’s about embracing our struggles, rediscovering our strength, and finding power in vulnerability. Together, we’ll navigate the twists and turns, celebrating victories and learning from defeats. We’ll rewrite the narrative that says we have to be perfect and instead, embrace the beautiful messiness of being human.
I want to thank you for your constant support and understanding during my absence. I’m here now, not as a distant coach, but as a friend, a confidant, and a fellow traveler on this winding road of self-discovery.
So, let’s break through these barriers, not as flawless individuals, but as human beings who find strength in their imperfections. I’m here for you, just as you have been there for me.
With genuine humility and determination for the future,
Josh
